Every year the summer retreats and the cold and dark sets in.
In shouldn't be a surprise - it happens every year. And I've had 32 years to get used to it. But still, somehow I'm not.
As my heart and soul deeply craves the tropics more and more, I wonder, maybe its all a sign, a message.
As the days shorten and everything becomes more inwards, my mind struggles, my soul struggles, and my physical body struggles.
After what felt like a gradual autumnal shift in September and October, the arrival of November and the changing clocks, somehow now feels like a dramatic shift. I'm suddenly finishing work in the dark. And it almost feels trapping. I can't be outside. I can't wonder as freely.
With the increasing layers finding their way to my body (even though its not actually yet winter(!), my body is also stiffer, tenser trying to contain some heat. And the many layers (plus stuffed hot water bottle somewhere under there!) seems so unflattering, altering a lot about how I feel about myself too, and this all in turn making me resistant to get out at all!
I need to keep stretching, moving and breathing long slow breaths, but the cold also seems to add a layer of resistance to this too.
My skin's dry and getting paler. I feel scaly and washed out. Itchy. Tired. Those days of basking in the sun, outstretched on the grass with bear skin kissing the sun, seem long ago.
There's still lots to admire outside, but finding beauty feels harder. I'm Starting to miss the abundance of blooms and colours. And instead on wondering slowly taking it all in, I often find myself now walking briskly to keep warm. It all seems a little unsettling. And uneasy. And if I'm honest, not all that desirable. I've had a growing deep desire to return to the Seychelles, and now I wonder, maybe this is all another sign. Ocean, warmth, simplicity, nature. It all feels like a destined dream. And so, I allow all of this to be. I sit with what is. I sit with my dreams. I reflect and write and wonder. And I breathe and find gratitude for all the lessons of expanding into the colder seasons I've done in recent years too.
I remind myself as I seem to be entering a new stage of healing, growth and discovery, that it's ok to feel all these things. That learning and growing through something doesn't necessarily mean that lesson is over, or that you have failed by revisiting it. I have certainly become stronger and wiser in my recent years navigating the shifting seasons. It seems, sometimes we are called to go deeper. It's ok not to have all the answers or conclusions. The journey, the discovery, the unfolding, it's all constant. And as we navigate through, going deeper and deeper into our paths, we can share and support one another too.
Watch. Observe. Feel. Allow it all, sit with it, watch it all flow. Give permission for change and flux and growth.
And know that in Divine perfect timing, clarity and transformation will appear.
Sending you love, light and beauty as we move through this seasonal shift together xx
