For far too long I gave away my power
Wanting someone else to love me
Someone else to save me
Someone else to hold me
To tell me it was all going to be ok. I got this. I'm great and wonderful and worthy.
For far too long I craved to be seen, heard, validated, accepted by others.
Looking for instruction
Waiting for permission
Relying on the external world to provide some sense of self.
For far too long I searched for safety, for home
Outside of me.
Longing for people, places, things that would enable me to fully surrender and be
That would rock me tenderly
That would nurture my whole being.
For far too long I waited for other stuff to make me feel a certain way.
Expecting that somewhere out there, the answers lay.
For far too long I searched in all the wrong places
I abandoned myself time and time again.
Forgetting the richness, the vastness of what lies within
Forgetting my own power, my own strength, my own intuition, my own heart.
For far too long I lost sight of the value of turning within
I lost connection with myself and my own truths
I forgot the wisdom and love that I hold
The fact that I am the queen of my own life
And that the whole Universe resides within.
For far too long I forgot that I was a human being not a human doing
I chased, I over-thought, I over-planned
Always doing something
Controlled by the mind
Trying to figure out
By constantly doing something.
For far too long I didn't know how to rest
How to be in silence
How to be with myself
I found the belief that it was luxurious, a waste of time, not for me, I had to earn it
Succumbed to the idea that rest was frowned upon, undesirable, unproductive, lazy
I allowed it to lead me to burnout and overwhelm, stress and mental health issues.
For far too long I lost the ability to play, to flow, to find fun and joy, to be delighted by the world around me.
The lights were dimmed
I never saw what was right in front of me
Consumed by something else
And unsure how to navigate out
Never hearing the birds or feeling the sun.
For far too long I lived a life of disconnect
Searching for everything I needed externally
Rather than going within where the answers lay
Giving away my power, abandoning myself, neglecting my needs.
I never trusted myself
I never heard that inner whisper
or felt that internal nudge.
I didn't value or love myself
I had no clue who I was
Everything was external
Wrapped up in masculine energy and mindset.
I didn't fit
I wasn't me
I was so lost
I was so unhappy
No sense of self
No sense of joy
Very little sense of love, belonging, purpose
And so, this has been my journey
Navigating back home to myself
Finding my way back to my heart, my soul, my true self
Unpeeling the layers
Shedding the conditioning
Learning who I am
Unlearning who I thought I had to be
Discovering pleasure
Discovering being in the moment
Finding rest, creativity, play
Getting to know myself and honouring her
Finding the feminine, the inner cycles, rhythms, seasons
Dancing, playing, exploring
Holding myself
Loving myself
And it's all within
I hold it all
It's right here
Just waiting to be cracked open, like your favourite box of chocolates
And I do it all through holding space for myself
Carving out pockets of time throughout my days to pause and be
To notice, to reflect, to write, to feel
Growing my self awareness muscle
Flexing my intuition muscle
Tuning in
Knowing myself deeply
Shifting from outward thinking, doing
To inner stillness, being
This is our power
Divine wisdom
Connecting back to the truth of who we are
What we desire
What we have to share with the world
All the answers lie within
We simply need the time, space and tools to connect in to them.
