There’s a world that exists that demands certain norms and pressures. Working, doing, achieving. It’s wrapped up in all kinds of expectations – getting the qualifications, the 9-5, owning the house, getting married, having children. And the sneaky thing is, they seep into our psyche very subtly, very gradually, from the moment we’re born – but in a very strong and dominant manner.
But there’s also a world that’s full of love, flow, creativity, being. It’s much more feminine in nature, in comparison to the patriarchal systems we have become accustomed to. It’s more intentional, awake, open. It’s less about doing and thinking, and more about feeling, enjoying. I know it exists, because I’ve been there.
The goal it seems, at least for me, is to find the path to this alternative way of truly enjoying life, and really knowing ourselves and consciously choosing how we want to live. But – and it’s a big but – depending on how much conditioning and layers of societal ‘norm’ that have been placed upon us over the years, it can be so hard to break out of the boundaries that seem to so strongly confine us.
I am constantly dancing between the two worlds. Sometimes I find myself in one much more than the other. And it’s an ongoing effort of reaching out to try and touch the world I desire.
One thing you probably don’t know about me is that I have come exceptionally close to starting a Masters twice, and a PhD once. The PhD was in International Development, one masters course in Environmental Conservation, the other in Ethnobotany (the relationship between people and plants). All were amazing opportunities, and subjects I am deeply passionate about. But doing them didn’t feel 100% aligned, and that’s felt so uncomfortable and confusing to try to unpick and understand.
One thing I’ve realised is, I could do the courses and most likely enjoy them (I love learning) – but the resistance I believe is coming from the systems, the formalities, what feels like a real pressure of exceptionally hard work. Deep down I know I don’t need these qualifications to prove my passion, dedication and interest in these subjects. But at the same time the pressure comes from feeling like I need something to validate my worth and my capability.
We are wired to believe (and understand) we need something external - some permission, some validation to do something, rather than learning to understand and trust in ourselves and our abilities. And yes, in some cases we do. But in many cases we don’t. I shouldn’t need an MSc or PhD to take action to look after and care for the world. But sadly it seems the world is wrapped up in so much process and expectation, that despite these huge world issues, it somehow feels hard, competitive even to move into certain sectors. Surely we should be opening our arms to all those who want to help (and helping them to make a difference) – no matter what their formal qualifications. We all have something to bring, a contribution to make – but it often seems passion, determination, dedication is overlooked in favour of a piece of paper that has cost thousands of pounds and years to gain (and most likely caused a great deal of stress and debt!)
This is just one example of what I believe are very broken systems. Systems and structures that make it hard for us to break out of expectation, pressure, stress – into what’s actually a much healthier, happier, more harmonious and natural way of being.
Perhaps the resistance I feel despite coming so close to further study is my soul rebelling against a system I deep down, just don’t believe in.